why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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