Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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