Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
