i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
