Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My bed smells like the plague
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