The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
