yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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