im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
