Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My first STD was from a foam party
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
