i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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