he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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