His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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