im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
