I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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