Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All the doctor said was why
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize