Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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