it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
