Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
