He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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