my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
