I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i was born a porn star she said
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
