Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
