My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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