Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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