First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
