I think I died a long time ago.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
