Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
