yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
