So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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