He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
