I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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