Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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