Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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