Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
