just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
