He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
