I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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