Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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