Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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