Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
