The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
