I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you had me at cake vodka
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
