My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
