I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
