You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So vagazzling was a success
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