i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
