I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
