You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
