She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
