wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
