Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
