Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
