Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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