my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
