apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I could make wine with my vomit
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
