You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
