ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
