she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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