A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
