Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
