All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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