Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
