I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
