I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
