i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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