OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
