You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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